Christmas Movie Marathon, Day 28 — Gremlins (1984)

So, this post was supposed to be about the movie Four Christmases, but when it came down to actually watching the movie (which, no surprise here, I had only seen parts of before) I just didn't feel like watching Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn earn a fat paycheck by making a silly Christmas movie that has just a little bit of heart… but is mostly slapstick.

SO I WATCHED GREMLINS, Y'ALL.

For those of you who don't know, I'm a scaredy cat, truly. I mean, I'm interested in scary movie plots, because they are almost all pretty interesting and thought-out, but the images will stay with me forever. Like, I watched The Strangers on Halloween junior or senior year of high school (5-6 years ago!) and I still think about scenes from the movie when I'm taking the dog out at night or at my friend's cabin. Just that one dude with the creepy sack over his head, standing in the road or out the window... just standing and staring. That freaks me the hell out, for real.

So, I didn't know Gremlins was going to be very scary, and it wasn't in the traditional sense, since most people brand any movie with little "cute" creatures as a kids' movie, but it still was a lot more violent than I thought.

I've decided (possibly since award season has started… and possibly because I want to hurry the hell up and finish these Christmas blogs) that I'm going to give the characters awards for their performances.

Movie MVP: Mom

Okay, the Mom seriously rocked. She loved and trusted her husband, using all his contraptions and always having a good sense of humor about everything. She also knew at first glance that those mother-effin' cocoons had some bad juju, and grabbed the knife at the first sign of trouble. She was not your run-of-the-mill "run and hide and wait for a man" lady, oh no, she took down those little aliens one by one, and in very creative ways!

Worst Way to Learn That There is No Santa Clause: Kate

This part of the movie really came as a surprise for me. I have a theory that one of the writers thought this up years before the movie came out and had always planned to give one of his characters the greatest Christmas sob story ever, but was merely waiting for the perfect opportunity to come up. This is the saddest thing I've ever heard, seriously.

Worst Idea Haver: Dad

God love him.

Most Epic Man/Smart Animal Throwdown: Stripes and Billy

They literally fought for like 20 minutes in that store, and in the end freakin Gizmo saved all their asses.

Cutest Badass: Gizmo

Smartest person in the movie, hands down. When Billy was like, "Gizmo, do you want this chicken wing?" He was like "Hell no! " and was definitely giving Billy his shits-about-to-get-real face the entire time he was feeding the other Mogwai babes.

Most Tiny Props ever Used in a Moton picture: Gremlins

Literally. So. Many. Tiny. Hats.


P.S. — Also, I've always known there is a band called Mogwai, but I finally get itttttt.


Love to your mothers,
Stepha-kneeees