Jan 18, 2015

23 before 24 (2/2)

aaaaaaaaand we're back!

Last time on FavePhan, we were discussing the successes and failures of my' life as a 23 year old.

Cheerful, right? The second half of this list gets a little lofty with vague but pertinent goals such as "be happy," "feel good," and "                                   ." See what I did there?

(12) I'm not sure I what I meant here. I'm afraid that I must have been sad when I wrote this, and that I was hoping to pull myself out of whatever that was this year. I did and I didn't. I wouldn't say that I'm 100% happy with things in my life. but I did test that this year and maybe that's all I can hope for. Sometimes sad is good and powerful.

(13) Eeeek! Routines are really hard for me. I feel like I would love one, but I also struggle because some days I work in the mornings and some days I get home from work at almost midnight. It's hard to have a routine unless I make one that alternates depending on my work shift. I should look into this and write it down. My exercise regimen is basically watch TV and stretch and/or do workout videos on YouTube.

(14) Ah, Rachel. She is my oldest and dearest friend and I've known her now husband Carl for many years as well, (we dated in high school!) and I'm so happy to know he will also be in my life forever being the best companion for my best friend. I remember really being heartbroken when we broke up in high school, which is ridiculous because it was so silly, but I think I was just sad that he would be out of my life and now he's not! It's a dream I didn't know that I wanted to come true.

She was the most beautiful bride imaginable and they looked seriously perfect together. When they read their hand-written vows to each other, they each said almost identical things to each other: how they know that life together will be an adventure and they know of no one more fascinating and beautiful to be navigating it with them. On the day of the wedding I was only disappointed by a few friends and the fact that Rachel was made to cry tears that weren't born from happiness, but such is life, right? She's the greatest.

[insert photo of me grinning to break-up all this text! my heart was so full.]

(15) This one is redacted because it's none of your beeswax! Sorry bout it.

(16) I have not been to confession since the summer I worked a church camp (yes, I'm a very diverse person, apparently) and that was 3 years ago. The year before I worked that camp, I attended and had the greatest confession experience of my life. The relief and lightness that I felt was so overwhelming and the priest I talked to gave me hope for all priests everywhere. I know that I am friends with few people nowadays who share my same experiences and faith, but that doesn't really bother me. My relationship with faith is my own, as is everyone's. For the record, I also believe in karma, luck, good vibes, and positivity.

(17) Goals like this always end up on my list. I know I did this during this year of my life, but I also did the opposite. Here's to loving myself, my belly, skin, thighs, and double chin. Y'all all's cute.

(18) I did not journal enough this year and since I've been seriously considering switching to creative nonfiction I'm carrying this over to my next list. I don't feel like I know myself anymore, and I miss that relationship I had with my written thoughts. It's a crazy process to just unload what your brain is doing on paper, but I felt so sane when I did.

(19) This one relates to #21 which relates to #12 in ways that I don't really want to talk about here. I will say that things were rough and I thought that I'd be spending more time sleeping in the middle of the bed. And I thought I'd want a cat there, too.

(20) Working on this as well. Did I mention I've been getting really into minimalism? Been reading about ways to pair down your stuff, as well as capsule wardrobes and just feeling heavy by all my possessions. This will definitely be a re-worded 24 year old goal.

(21) Swiftly avoided this one. I still feel good, though, so the rest isn't important.

(22) I still have my funky walls and paint in the basement. Maybe next year I'll get my all-white everything.

(23) Working on this, and finding the words to speak my truth. Sometimes I lie in my journal, or omit things I'm afraid to say for fear that they'd become real. Truth is truth, even if it really sucks.

See, cheerful.

Promise to have real thoughts soon,

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