Today, I'm folding the clothes I wore when I was with him.
Yes, diary, there's a him. Also, don't act surprised when I reveal that he doesn't live here. Am I a masochist? Worse yet, am I a masochist out to destroy any chance I have at an actual healthy and physical relationship? After Kevin, who still continues to tell me we're made for each other, do I fail? Is that the only love I've known? Carl and I had a good relationship for awhile, but I got dumped. Maybe I like the allure of being far away. Being wanted. The rush of being together for those few hours. The rush of depression when you realize it has to be over. And how much loathing you feel for yourself when you finally miss them. How you let yourself fall into your own trap again..
I'm like that. My love is fleeting. It's tired. My heart is heavy and needs to be wrung out. Squished up until all the past runs through my fingers and goes down the drain.
I fell for fall, but now October's over and that month of play is now a memory and a mission.
I don't have much more to say now. I don't fill up my journal, so maybe I'll resort back to this old thing.
I miss you all.. the two people who read this. Jimmy and Shawn. (and Kayla?)
Word to your mothers,
I did my laundry.